he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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