I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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