you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
