I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
