i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
