Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
