the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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