I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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