oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
