Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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