in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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