Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
