I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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