if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
