My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
