you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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