Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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