This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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