she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
