Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
