How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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