Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
