I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize