I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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