I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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