walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
