Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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