Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to sanitize my soul.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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