highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am mentally ready for anal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
