So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
