of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
