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was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Houston, we have a blender
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
