margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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