there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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