don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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