I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
