No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
