you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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