why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
