ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
