I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize