We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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