loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
