It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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