you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
