You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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