and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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