you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
