JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
