but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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