Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
