the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
