True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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