I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
