i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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