Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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