it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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