Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
