I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
