She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
