You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
