yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
