Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this just has baby written all over it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
