his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
