i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Please don't give away my fajitas
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
