i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
