youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
