Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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