We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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