I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
