Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
