I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
