he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
