O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
