The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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