handjob tips. give me some.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
