oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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